hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
