also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
