Fuck appropriateness.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
