Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
