oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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