Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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