Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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