It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
