Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
