we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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