shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
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Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
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Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
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