Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
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When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
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Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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