I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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