i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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