I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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