My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Randomize
