Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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