We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
