walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
