U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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