do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
This is the high leading the old right now
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
