My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
