Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
