I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
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