Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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