watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize