I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
