WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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