Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
