Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
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