I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
