What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
