If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
