i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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