Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
