So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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