a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
