i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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