don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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