she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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