if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
