ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
