So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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