he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
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The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
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Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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