don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize
