So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
