if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
