oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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