not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
