FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
