are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
