A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
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I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
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When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Please don't give away my fajitas
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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