dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
