her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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