she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Randomize
