so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
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And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
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I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
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