ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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