We named our party play list daddy issues
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
