Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
