while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Liz is crying about burritos again.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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