He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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