I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
