He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
