my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
