I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Sober January is a disaster.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
