maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
God, I missed his penis.
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